Improvement of the race

It just got better....

This afternoon, my wife happily announced that according to the Teacher, my daughter is currently running 3rd place, and not just in her class but overall the prep students in the school. I know that it's still somewhere in the middle of the academic year, but... holy shit.. that's still great news!

When I was a young student from kinder up to highschool, teachers would always say I had it in me to excel in class, but I was just lazy. And I really was. I preferred loitering and playing around and really just not giving a rat's ass. Once in a while I'd study, and whenever I did... I would excel and would even land in the finals of quizz bees, or get some stupid awards. This happened a lot in my grade school years. And then I'd lose interest like the usual... I think I just didnt understand what the fuss was all about.

Because of my student experience, I guess I have always been understanding of "people" like me. I mean people with potential to excel, but arent really interested in paying attention. My Highschool years were primarily full of pranks and stunts, and whatnots that got me into a lot of trouble. I even had my own personal section on the Guidance Counsellor's log book of mischief. I survived the last 2 years of Highschool without bringing anything to school. I never submitted notebooks, I never brought books with me, I didnt even have papers for quizzes, nor pens to write with. I survived through the generosity of my classmates, literally one day at a time. I am not too sure about Junior year, but I am 100% certain that on my Senior year, I never... not once... came to school with proper uniform. There was always something that I'd violate. It was either brown shoes, printed undershirt, my short-sleeved shirt didnt have the official school patch, or no ID. Things only changed when I went to College, and then I met my future wife which irrevocably led to studying going back to shit.

When you become a parent, I guess one of the questions that you really ask yourself is, What kind of a father would I be? And you think about your life as a kid and how things were back then, and how things are now, and how you want everything to be perfect for the little one. You think a lot about how people you know do this Father-Daughter thing, and instinctively try to assess things that you would do differently or the same. I told myself that I'd be a cool Dad. I wouldnt be the strict type. And I would try to convince myself that I'd be very understanding if she "inherits" the same laziness at school. This hasn't really hit me smack in the head until I heard the news this afternoon. It felt so good to know that she is doing very good in school. I am so proud of her and now I don't want to let this feeling go.

The truth is, I feel a bit guilty. I knew that there were times that I'd be less patient about guiding her with her lessons and assignments. Sometimes, I just flatly refuse. I guess it doesnt help when you've already exceeded your patience quota for the day because of the clients you work with. I hate it that my daughter, or more precisely my family gets the butt end of my day. Why do shifts work this way? Why do we spend the better part of our energy doing stuff for other people and let the last ounces, when you're tired and irritated, be with your family?

Maybe she would be 1st if I helped her study more. I dont really know. I only know that I dont want to be one of those Dads that are too bent over backwards into forcing their kids to be A-1, regardless of being deprived a life that is both interesting and fun. I dont need her to be on top of her peers everytime. I would enjoy the occassional icing on the cake, yes... but flowers will always blossom at their own time. After all, she is my daughter... and she will never need to do anything to impress me.