Rasa Singapura

Just came back from another week-long training in Singapore. This time, we stayed in a hotel. Last month, our company still had the apartment in Geylang and colleagues from around the region would stay there whenever they had business to do in Singapore. The hotel was so-so. But I later found out that for the price they got it, it was actually a good deal. There were 7 of us this time, 3 from Malaysia, 2 from Thailand, 1 from Taiwan, and me from Manila. At least it was close to the Orchard malls, and stuff... unless of course you've gotten tired of walking around that place.

This was my 3rd time in Singapore this year, and my second time attending training for Product X, and I must say... best damn training I've ever attended anywhere (and I've been to a lot). What are the criteria you may ask? What else but the food! Why does IBM never serve lunch for their trainings eh? We had nice choices for lunch, free flowing beverages the whole week, pastries, cakes, fruits, candies, etc... you never got a chance to digest the food in your stomach. When I was also here last month, one of their staff even volunteered to buy me some meds when I complained of stomach pains. I later found out the drug store was 3 blocks away, 2nd floor up a building. Fucking great service right? Such a sweet girl. Cute too.

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One of my friends brought me to this place in Marina Bay where you could eat all you can for S$10. Really cheap coz even in Manila, decent buffet meals will run you around Php500 a piece or S$15. They had chicken, beef, pork, fish, crab, prawns, fried rice, noodles, pasta, dimsum, and boy did I eat. The next morning at training, I started to feel queasy. I helped myself to some green tea to try to calm things down there and boy was that a big mistake. Needless to say, I was experiencing one of my worst cases of diarrhea, and from 11AM to about 6PM - I think I shot some rockets 7 or 8 times... although it was more like spraying muddy water. I think you get the picture.

The worst part of it all was, there weren’t any water faucet or hose in the western toilet cubicles. The only one that had one was the oriental toilet. What's an oriental toilet? Its basically just a hole in the ground (no seats) and you squat like you would if you were relieving yourself in the middle of a grassy field... or so I would imagine. One time I was forced to shit in one of these and it was really grueling. I had to grab hold of the 2 walls on both side and fucking push like I was Samson in the epic story. And in my mind I kept hearing nurses saying.. Push! Push! I never knew it was so hard to do it without a seat to anchor on.. anyway.

What followed was a stunt that I would probably never try again. After wiping what I could... and flushing around 6 times to get rid of all the floaters, I had to quickly transfer to the oriental cubicle to access the golden faucet with the oh so valuable running water. The second time, it just wasn’t worth it so I just used the oriental one every time. I just didn’t care anymore.. and each time I did, I could hear angels singing "Hallelujah!"

I took a bus back to the hotel. My seat was beside a window glass that had a painted message that read EMERGENCY EXIT - BREAK GLASS TO EXIT THE BUS, I was like "What the Fuck?"

Around 6PM I finally got to take some meds but not after losing considerable liquids. By then my temp was already rising and I was starting to feel a fever coming on. I bought a couple of hydrites and paracetamol. Around 10:30 the next morning, I was ok. Thank God!

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This reminds me of a time when I was in Boracay with friends. Clean water was so scarce that bottled water was sold at preposterous rates. It was way cheaper to buy those purifying tablets and dissolve them in tap water from the villas. We were there for a week so we eventually tried to drink the tap water like all the locals do and voila... diarrhea! One time, both of us had to go and we both went to the public toilet that was the nearest. Our fucking jaw dropped when we saw that the toilet cubicles didn’t have any divisions except a wall that was at most 3 feet high. When you gotta go, you gotta go right? So in we went in all reckless care and abandon. After all, who gives a fucking shit about the fact that people who come in to piss will actually see you doing the most personal thing you can possibly do on earth right? Maybe we would care later, but not now. And I couldn’t just help but notice that we looked like 2 guys in a barbershop sitting side by side. You could hear it, and you could smell it. For some reason, a person usually has some degree of high tolerance from his or her own shit right? I mean you know it stinks... but you don’t really gawk in revulsion from the smell of your own shit right? But this was different... how the hell could you tell if it was his or mine? I mean we were just sitting beside each other like in a bus. And this isn't your normal shit either... its diarrhea remember.

And that's when I heard the most awful sound ever, which coincidentally made me look at my friend’s face. I guess he had it worse than me. The guy looked like all his energy just got sucked from under him and he literally collapsed in a slouching position.

"AAAAAHHHH!!!" I was screaming and laughing. Laughing at him and laughing at both of us. I couldn't believe we were in this predicament right here, right now. It took him a while before he finally started to laugh. And we were laughing about it the whole week... in fact every time we meet. Great stuff. Stories for grandkids when we are too old and the punk kids think you never did some stupid shit before.

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I have always loved the way people use the escalator in Singapore. Everybody who just wants to stand and wait for the ride will always stay on the left side, and those who are in a rush can pass on the right. Effective.